As to be expected, we’ve spoken with A LOT more strangers over the course of our travel than we were accustomed to in our day-to-day life back in NYC. I was reflecting on it a bit more recently and here’s what I’m thinking:
Reference Point
Back in NYC, our lives were a bit on auto-pilot in terms of socialization. We interacted with the same group of people day in, day out - professional colleagues, parents & friends at the girls’ school, neighbors, etc. Our daily rhythm left very little room for connections with strangers. We weren’t exactly striking up conversations with the people next to us in the subway car :)
New Chapter
Traveling is a whole new ballgame. 99% of the time it’s just the four of us which has its pros & cons. In a nutshell:
Pros: Quality time connecting as a family and making lasting memories, getting to know each other better, talking more about what we’re seeing/learning/feeling.
Cons: Little space for individual pursuits. Too much time together can start to create friction - this is especially true for P&S where they reach a breaking point with each other.
In terms of socialization, it means that when we come across other travelers, we’re excited to strike up a conversation and learn more about their story. Full disclosure, it’s a lot easier to approach a stranger in conversation when you’re: a) traveling (you’re in “holiday/travel” mode and far more relaxed/happy, and b) doing what we’re doing (it makes for a really easy & interesting ice breaker). Shout out to our NYC friends Craig & Phoebe who are masters at making new friends on holiday.
S&D Different Roles
Unconsciously, Doug & I end up playing slightly different roles when socializing:
Doug is always the one that approaches others and breaks the ice with a question or zinger observation. I virtually never do; that part comes less comfortably to me, whereas Doug finds it easy breezy.
Once the ice is broken, I'm the more outgoing of the two of us. I tend to carry more the conversation (which is true overall of the two of us; I'm more chatty than Doug), but Doug is right there in the conversation with wit, humor & contribution.
Both of us are a mix of introvert and extrovert; neither of us leans strongly towards one or the other.
All in, I'd like to think we complement each other quite well when it comes to hanging with strangers and creating a conversationally interesting & fun space :)
Examples
All this to say, approaching strangers and getting deep into conversation about travel, life, any number of things, has enriched our travels tremendously! I can't think of even one time we struck up a conversation with someone and it wasn't interesting, informative or enjoyable. No exaggeration. Some more memorable "socialization with strangers" moments include, in no particular order:
Italian family at Perugia restaurant: Doug said something to an Italian family as we walked out of the restaurant after our amazing meal. Before we knew it we had pulled up chairs and were hearing epic stories of the Wall Street Bull in NYC, enjoying the owner's private reserve liquors and passing another hour in merry conversation.
Mekong Delta Cruise gang: The eight super fun, interesting people we shared two days with along the Mekong Delta. Shilpa & Trace, April & Luke and Dharma & Rajiv. Lots of laughs and travel exchanges. More about them here.
Carol & Davida: Close childhood friends that we met in Khao Sok National Park, Thailand. The girls were delighted by them and C&D were a great example of friendship that is supportive & lasts for the long term!
Rae & Roger: British couple living in Hanoi. Roger is a pilot for Vietnam Airlines and we met them in the cozy bar/cafe of one of our hotels in Bhutan. They passed on several recommendations for our time in Hanoi, including what goes down as our favorite noodle of the trip (so far)!
Jerusalem Scribe: Introduced through California friend, Alona. We peppered him with loads of questions about his work and purpose. He kindly wrote the word of our choosing (world) in Hebrew as a keepsake. More about him here.
Italian/American family living in Dubai: We crossed paths only briefly at a food market stall in Hoi An, as they were being recruited to the stall and we told them it was delicious. Before we knew it we were swapping contact info :)
Family from Pune, India in Hoi An: We were all staying at the same Hoi An hotel. The son was about the same age as the girls and he approached them on the courtyard swing. The girls came back telling us that he's from Pune, which is where we had spent a few days in India in October! We later approached the parents and it turns out they live within blocks of our friends in Pune! Small world. P&S and the son chatted every day during our stay. Sadie even made him a "garoto", their favorite kids coffee drink from Portugal :)
Italian family on the car ferry to Kalsoy island in Faroe Islands: Doug chatted the Dad up in the pouring rain and learned that they do two big trips each year, one to a warm place and one to a cold place (to appease each of their daughters).
Pakistani taxi driver in Dubai: Doug initiated a conversation and we didn't stop chatting with him the whole one hour drive to the airport. We learned about how hard his family works to have opportunity and financial/well being gains.
Indian Uber driver in Lisbon, Portugal: Doug chatted him up and asked what his favorite Indian restaurant in Lisbon was. A few nights later we went there and enjoyed delicious Indian fare. Perfect example of insider knowledge only attained through speaking with folks.
Benefits
Getting out of my/our comfort zones and approaching others more frequently has enriched our travel, to be certain. It's also set a great example to the girls about the value of being open to talking to & connecting with new people. Sadie's hilarious because after virtually all of these exchanges, she'll turn to me or Doug and say "So are they are new friends or what?" :) It takes effort and intention, but it almost always pays off.
Early in our planning days, Doug was reading a blog from another family who had traveled with their kids a few years prior. They had a family mantra of "people over places". That concept - of prioritizing connections with people - really resonated with Doug, and me too. We consciously made it a goal from the beginning to connect with people - locals and friends living afar - because we were convinced that would enrich our learning, enjoyment and impact of the trip.
I know we'll continue to hone our "socializing with strangers" skills in the months to come, as continue our travels. It will take more effort & intention once we're back into the swing of things in the US. I do hope our experiences on the road connecting with new people will make us all four more willing to put ourselves out there to make new conversations and new friends in the process; the payout is huge!
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